Back To The Future

Posted on February 24, 2017

I keep seeing talk about another Back to the Future movie. Let me be the one to break it to you, it’s not going to happen. There’s a very good reason for this, they’re all dead.

Okay, not all of them.

We know that the DeLorean was fitted with a flux-capacitor. Also that the flux-capacitor was fueled by weapons grade plutonium.
At the end of BttF 3 we see a train hit the time machine as it runs out of gas on the train tracks. After a few fleeting seconds the flux-capacitor flickers out of juice. Plutonium is usually cased in magnesium with rubber bumpers. In this case, the machine was destroyed and cracked open. There are two possibilities at this point.

1-The machine goes critical after the machine erodes completely and levels all of Hilldale. Depending on the wind there would be a few square miles of fallout. The entire McFly family is incinerated along with Biff and the other beloved characters in the story.

2-The plutonium casing is destroyed and rain runs the poison into the water system. In this case the city survives, however all of the inhabitants are poisoned and more than likely die a much slower more painful death. No telling how long the water table will spread or how long it will take to recover.

Either way Doc’s entire family is gone on their train and safe, as far as we know. So there is a possibility of a spin-off of the Brown family.
The real questions to all of this is…did Doctor Brown know?

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Pokemon: WHOA

Posted on July 14, 2016

Did you download it yet?
Have you seen people out playing it?
Have you almost been hit by someone driving while playing?
Have you taken pictures of the 40 year olds playing in the alley way out of shame?

There are a lot of people obviously into this game. Mostly getting that nostalgia feeling back. Pok√©mon was before my time, so I’m don’t really care one way or the other. But there are people who are really into it and others that are pissed.
I’m seeing posts, “It’s stupid” “Look up from your phone” “Get a life” “Grow up”
So much anger for some little…whatever the hell a pokemon is.

The thing that kills me is that these people talking about how the poke-folk should “Get a life” and “Augmented reality is a stupid idea” are the same people that play World of Warcraft, or Fantasy Football.
All in all, who gives a shit? As long as the poke-folk aren’t smashing into you while they drive and catch, what’s the big deal? Everyone is on their phone playing Candy Crush or checking Facebook or Instagram anyway. It gives some people a social experience with a game attached.
If you’re one of the people hating on the poke-folk, maybe you should re-examine all the dumb shit you do in your life.

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Its Just A #

Posted on July 06, 2016

Age is Just a Number.
That’s a saying I’ve heard quite a bit lately. Mostly because I am around people dating other people at different ages. Also there is an ad on the back of a magazine for makeup using that tag, it’s sitting in my living room. I get it, but I wonder if it’s a little overused. It’s cutesy and people use it correctly but…maybe we should start using it in the wrong ways?
Like, when a 50 year old teacher gets arrested for banging a 12 year old. Maybe they should testify that they were in love and age is just a number.
Or when someone gets caught fondling a corpse, hey, he was attractive once, he’d be 143 today.
We could put down a bunch of puppies, I mean age is just a number after all.

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We Did This To Ourselves

Posted on June 28, 2016

Let’s take a quick look at the internet as a whole and note some shittyness that has taken place. If you see a link that starts with one of the following…stay away. You too can prevent horseshit link herpes.

-The 25 best photos of…
             These could be photos of anything, people at Walmart, attractive athletes, grown up child stars. Do Not Be Fooled. They are not the best. They are garbage. Look out the window. There, you’ve seen better stuff than that link.

-These People/You/He/She is in for a surprise!
          Everyone is in for a surprise. Want to watch some people get hurt? Just type fail videos into youtube. At the very least you won’t be giving a troll the traffic they don’t deserve.

-If you ever see this creature run!
       These should be pretty self explanatory. If you’re in the driveway scratching your ass and a rhino comes running, you probably shouldn’t stay still.

-Horrifying/Classified/Amazing/Brutal/Disgusting photos they don’t want you to see.
       Watch a horror movie. Is brutal shit your thing? Read the news instead.

-The easiest way to get a mortgage.
       Believe it or not, is to go to the bank.

-They just kept recording!
       No shit, they’re camera men, and the people were on TV. What did you expect.

-What does your Name/Eyecolor/Haircolor say about you?
       If you’re going to read this you may as well skip it and read a horoscope instead. It’ll be about the same level of insight.

-These photos will leave you speechless.
      They won’t.  Really.

-Any number of surprising secrets you didn’t know!
       I’m going to bet that you already know these, and they aren’t secrets.

-Why no one will hire this Actress/Actor/Musician/Director/Writer anymore.
      Is this something on your list of info needed to know? Are these ever accurate?

-This politician destroys the other parties ideas in 2 minutes, MUST WATCH!
      Someone ripping into an opposite belief is pretty much day to day at this point. Almost none of these are accurate statements based on facts, instead hoping that you share their opinions. Taking someone else’s rant(usually based of their income, not belief) as fact is never a good idea.

Did we learn anything?
Please don’t click on bullshit. If you’re that bored I suggest going to a few sites that are pretty rad. Readfreebooks
reddit
redtube
or if things are really dire, and you’re not stuck at work simply turn off the computer and go start an argument with a stranger.
You can do it!

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Not Safe For Earth

Posted on May 11, 2016

     There’s a lot of political bullshit out there. A WHOLE lot. Especially being an election year, though it tends to go on for two years these days. Plenty of issues for both sides to complain about and scream at each other about, people fighting for you to believe their side is right. That’s all fine and good…well actually it’s usually terrible and fucking disgusting, but that’s not the point.
     One thing I keep hearing is that these scientists are all full of shit and this whole climate change thing is garbage. I notice most of this is people screaming about how if it’s really “global warming” then why’s it snowing? Shut up. That’s dumb. Climate change is about the earth itself being affected by all of us humans guzzling down fossil fuels and taking a dump on the planet.
    So…for the sake of the skeptics, lets see about what good it would do to change from fossil fuels to clean energy. It will be a long process. There is a lot of discussion about job loss, but that’s pretty hollow. The workers in current energy would have to learn new energy. That whole adapting thing that we’ve been doing since…forever. SO that’s easy, we switch, make it a cleaner, healthier planet for us and the next generation.
     Now this whole climate change thing. Let’s say for a minute that there is even a 1% chance that it’s real. We’ve already discussed all the good it will do. So what’s your problem?
     I’m not telling you to become a hippy and buy hemp clothes and go vegan. I’m just saying, maybe don’t close yourself off to something that could very possibly be real. “Those dumb scientists don’t know what they’re talking about.” I think you may be right, those stupid scientists and engineers and chemists, fools, the lot of them. They say not to drink bleach, idiots! If you think that all those scientists are full of shit, please pour yourself a bleach cocktail. Cheers to your convictions!

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Take if from the Kids

Posted on March 25, 2015

Who do you take advice from?
As an adult, I try to take advice from people that know what they’re talking about. Medical consulting from doctors, auto advice from mechanics, and drink suggestions from bartenders. Recently it seems, companies seem to have forgotten where and from who to get and give advice. There are an awful lot of new commercials were kids are giving advice. A child discussing who you should get your insurance from, or a baby telling you how to trade your stocks, or an entire group of kids telling you where to buy your chicken nuggets.
At what point in time did these companies decide that their customers would rather get advice from children with no real world experience than professionals? Even an actor that portrays a person that has been through an experience seems better than a child. There is nothing in a child’s portrayal that gives me the illusion that they have actually spent hours browsing insurance companies.
With that said, I wouldn’t be against some classes that would make kids more self sufficient. If we want to get kids to that point, lets do it fast. Let’s teach them all Microsoft Office so they can do our taxes, and when they’re done with that, they can run down to the liquor store and pick out the finest whiskey for mommy and daddy.

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Take if from the Kids

Posted on March 25, 2015

Who do you take advice from?
As an adult, I try to take advice from people that know what they’re talking about. Medical consulting from doctors, auto advice from mechanics, and drink suggestions from bartenders. Recently it seems, companies seem to have forgotten where and from who to get and give advice. There are an awful lot of new commercials were kids are giving advice. A child discussing who you should get your insurance from, or a baby telling you how to trade your stocks, or an entire group of kids telling you where to buy your chicken nuggets.
At what point in time did these companies decide that their customers would rather get advice from children with no real world experience than professionals? Even an actor that portrays a person that has been through an experience seems better than a child. There is nothing in a child’s portrayal that gives me the illusion that they have actually spent hours browsing insurance companies.
With that said, I wouldn’t be against some classes that would make kids more self sufficient. If we want to get kids to that point, lets do it fast. Let’s teach them all Microsoft Office so they can do our taxes, and when they’re done with that, they can run down to the liquor store and pick out the finest whiskey for mommy and daddy.

http://ift.tt/1N94GuU

Take if from the Kids

Posted on March 25, 2015

Who do you take advice from?
As an adult, I try to take advice from people that know what they’re talking about. Medical consulting from doctors, auto advice from mechanics, and drink suggestions from bartenders. Recently it seems, companies seem to have forgotten where and from who to get and give advice. There are an awful lot of new commercials were kids are giving advice. A child discussing who you should get your insurance from, or a baby telling you how to trade your stocks, or an entire group of kids telling you where to buy your chicken nuggets.
At what point in time did these companies decide that their customers would rather get advice from children with no real world experience than professionals? Even an actor that portrays a person that has been through an experience seems better than a child. There is nothing in a child’s portrayal that gives me the illusion that they have actually spent hours browsing insurance companies.
With that said, I wouldn’t be against some classes that would make kids more self sufficient. If we want to get kids to that point, lets do it fast. Let’s teach them all Microsoft Office so they can do our taxes, and when they’re done with that, they can run down to the liquor store and pick out the finest whiskey for mommy and daddy.

http://ift.tt/1N94GuU

Take if from the Kids

Posted on March 25, 2015

Who do you take advice from?
As an adult, I try to take advice from people that know what they’re talking about. Medical consulting from doctors, auto advice from mechanics, and drink suggestions from bartenders. Recently it seems, companies seem to have forgotten where and from who to get and give advice. There are an awful lot of new commercials were kids are giving advice. A child discussing who you should get your insurance from, or a baby telling you how to trade your stocks, or an entire group of kids telling you where to buy your chicken nuggets.
At what point in time did these companies decide that their customers would rather get advice from children with no real world experience than professionals? Even an actor that portrays a person that has been through an experience seems better than a child. There is nothing in a child’s portrayal that gives me the illusion that they have actually spent hours browsing insurance companies.
With that said, I wouldn’t be against some classes that would make kids more self sufficient. If we want to get kids to that point, lets do it fast. Let’s teach them all Microsoft Office so they can do our taxes, and when they’re done with that, they can run down to the liquor store and pick out the finest whiskey for mommy and daddy.

http://ift.tt/1N94GuU

The Shower Boogy

Posted on March 12, 2015

Reviewing some of the popular dances over the years, I notice that a lot of them are based on something else: The Sprinkler, Milking the Big Cow, The Shopping Cart, Window Wiper.
Then there are the kinds that just describe what you’re doing: Pop and Lock, Moon Walk.
There are also songs that tell you what to do, such as the Hokey Pokey, Line Dancing, cha cha slide, and cupid shuffle.
Using that formula, I’ve come up with the next new hit. You’re welcome.

The Shower Boogy-Set to country 2 step
(Act out each line in time with the music)

Pull back the curtain, now step right in.
Turn on the water, let it wet your skin.
Grab the soap, and lather your hand.
Spit in the drain, that’s how it’s planned.
Brush those pits, get them primed,
Belly button too, make it shine.
Get those toes and behind the ears,
One place left that everyone fears,
Spread those cheeks and scrub the hole,
That’s how you do the shower boogy bowl.

It’s the shower, boogy, bowl.

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